All posts tagged: writing

011// Look at me Now

I looked at the pictures she had taken of me in the Garden — smile on my face  — sun beaming And I thought to myself that if I could send any picture to heaven it would be this one “Look Dad and Oma, I shine just like the flowers do”  Real talk on loss: Perhaps the cruelest part of losing a loved one is that I do not get to show them who I am today. A strange form of self love that I have received from them? When I think of how proud of me they would be I am beaming with acceptance and acknowledgement of my accomplishments. They’re harder to recognize when I just think of them myself, at least for me anyways. What a strange and interesting lesson I have gained from this experience. The lessons never stop– for that I am grateful. Blessed really, to have to angels who teach me so much even in their absence. The ones we love are never really gone though are they? Not a chance. …

010//My Kindness is Raw

People say that I will change As if the world can harden me They have looked at me with the same knowing in their eyes, since I was 15 years old As if they can predict that one day my kindness will be all used up it has been eight years since I first noticed it the only difference between now and then is that I cannot be used, stepped on or pushed aside My kindness is as raw as ever.     With Love, Kolina    

009//My Mother is a Shapeshifter

How can i understand what it means to provide a home when i have not felt what it’s like to have two hearts beating together i age, and think to myself that i understand sacrifices willpower strength and resilience without ever having the expectation to reciprocate the way She has moulded Herself to fit my life when our souls were empty she was the river that filled me first when i was tired She would rise as sunshine to help me grow when i was weak She became my energy only to give up what little She had left how did i get here if not for Her She is a fortress  a barricade that rose around me that fought against the world for a single soul the wall that has held me strong My mother is a shapeshifter and I am trying to flow into the ebbs and waves of who she is so that i too can lay myself down and ask who do you need be to be? With all of the …

Keep fighting, Stop Struggling: The Miles Levin Story

On the path of others Are resting places Places in the sun where they can meet. But this is your path And it is now. Now, that you must not fail weep, If you can. But do not complain The way chose you- And you must be thankful. –Dan Hammarakjold Something beautiful I wanted to share. With sunshine & love, Kolina *** Image from an unknown source, please email me at withlovekolina@gmail.com if you know the artist so I can give proper credit.

The Things I’m not Sorry for Anymore

Today is International Women’s Day and I am thankful. Thankful for the women I am surrounded by, for of the women that I look up too, that I am able to call myself a woman. As I get older, I become more aware of the impact that strong, mindful, and powerfully independent women have had over my ‘becoming’. These influences have washed over me in ways that I am still realizing as I reflect on the people in my life. In this noticing, I am starting to see all of the ‘sorry’s’. All of the things that were part of growing up as a girl that I was ashamed of or uncomfortable with.  All of the times I have slouched my shoulders, stood in the back, because maybe then I would be a little smaller, a little less bold. A little less stepping on someone’s toes, a little more status quo. So last year I wrote this:  I really wanted to whisper that I was sorry. I swear it was burning against my lips as …

Places Love Exists (Europe Edition)

For about as long as I can remember I have been showered with love. I am so unbelievably lucky to have grown up in a family that said “I love you” more than necessary (you can never say it enough).  I’ve always inherently known that love exists. Love is important. Love is a powerful emotion that guides passion, and caring, and changes the way we interact and give to those around us. However, what took me some time to appreciate is the multitude of ways in which love manifests itself around us. In fact, is has become a huge fascination of mine to search for it everywhere. So in little notes and scribbles I have acquired lists of places where I think love exists. Here is the Europe edition. On a ferry boat in Greece where a father pretends to be a choo-choo train for his little boy up and down the isles. The families on the streets of Paris. Both mom and dad cuddle and play with their children before they brace for the …

Heartbreak in Paris

I haven’t written in a while. Half the time I think about writing something and I forget before I have the chance to do so  OR  I write it all down and think better of it. I’m back and forth between this blogging thing because everyday my brain whispers and shouts some thoughts on publicly sharing my writing: “no one really cares what you’re thinking” “maybe someone feels the same way you do.. how will you know if you don’t write it?” “you’re not doing this for others you’re doing it for YOU” “everyone’s a writer these days what makes you any different”  also “so WHAT if everyone’s a writer it doesn’t mean you CAN’T do it too”  “don’t be pretentious”  “but… it makes my heart happy”  So today this last little whisper was victorious. These days it rarely seems to win. And in realizing this I’ve made note that maybe I should listen to it more often… but that’s for another blog post. Today I want to write about Paris. I have written and drooled and …

Paris Sunsets 

I’ve made it quite the mission on this trip to watch as many sunsets in as many places as I can.  There’s just really nothing that makes me happier.  Here are some of the sunsets I chased while in this beautiful city.  Montparnasse  The second tallest building in Paris save for Sacre- Coeur. Parisens all hate it, and I can see why.  It sticks out like a sore thumb and looks nothing like the beautiful limestone that makes up the rest of the city. To get to Montparnasse you need to take the metro stop that includes Montparnasse in the name. Seems obvious right? However if you put the directions into google maps it will take you elsewhere and you will walk an hour in the opposite direction direction like we did.. perhaps arriving at the sunset destination a little less excited than you were when you set off. When you see the view though you’ll realize it was all worth it. Bridges – The River Siene  Paris is covered in bridges crossing the river …

Bienvenue au Paris 

We arrived in Paris swiftly via Chunnel. Another method of Europe’s vast transportation system that continuously blows my mind. If you are planning on heading to France from London in the future I’d highly recommend taking this train over flying. It’s also a great way to see the country side before heading into the city.  We stepped off the train and were immediately hit with 35 degree weather. Paris was in a heat wave and the temperature was a whole 10 degrees hotter than it had been in London. By the time we got to our flat for the week my family was quite tired and so we grocery shopped and I set out on my own for some sunset exploring.   I set out on foot towards Hotel de Ville, which I knew was somewhere in the general direction of Norte Dame. For those of you that don’t know me well, my sense of direction isn’t great but google maps has been my bff these past two weeks and we only get into the occasional …